


Everything will definitely be alright

by cantodelcolibri



Series: Nothing More to Say (if you insist) [7]
Category: CLAMP - Works, Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Clow Country, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Post-Canon, heartfelt speeches and lighthearted teasing, until it gets heavyhearted that is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 10:05:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18140780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cantodelcolibri/pseuds/cantodelcolibri
Summary: It is only in Clow, safe in the princess’s castle, that Fai allows himself time to think and reflect.Many worlds ago in Yama, Fai saw a young girl greet a young soldier with a smile on her face and an affectionate “Anata,” blooming on her lips. He still wasn’t sure what it meant, and he definitely had an idea as to why Kurogane had so vehemently denied him use of the word... but perhaps it would do him well to finally know for sure.





	Everything will definitely be alright

**Author's Note:**

> I love punctuation. Love to meet her, someday.
> 
> More language shenanigans cuz moko’s out with syaoran and sakura. and you don’t _have_ to read the whole series but it does put a lot in context.

_Clow_

* * *

 

Three days passed.

Sakura’s magic behaved like one half of his: it grew exponentially the more it was used. In her bones were etched the sacred writ of the universes, and her skin bore the scars of creation. She was no longer a pristine, untouched effigy. The princess was weathered down, battle-hardened, and all the more awesome for it. Despite her-- their-- hardships, she remained kindhearted, soft-spoken, and level headed. She… she. They? There were two of her after all. Mirror images with matching souls.

Even so, both she and her counterpart were made of different mettle.

And Fai loved her. Fai loved her so much his chest ached with it. His head hurt too, but that was mostly due to overextending himself, his magic, and his understanding of the universe as a whole.

“Nnnghh…” Fai heard his own groan past the pillows piled atop his head.

He awoke gradually, slowly becoming aware that he was still buried in a small mountain of bedding. For the third day in a row. With nothing else to do besides making himself a nuisance to the serving staff, he resigned himself to doing nothing other than reminiscing. When Fai first awoke those three days prior, he found himself lying on a bed softer than anything he remembered from their long travels. The cotton of the sheets laid on top of him was like water against his magic-burnt skin, red and peeling from the force of the blasts. He had scarcely wanted to move, but his body acted on its own once he processed the state of his aches and pains and the reason behind it. He had shot up and found himself staring at an empty room as his mind raced with images of the battle, of the chaotic, mesmerizing, _overwhelming_ surge of magic whorling around the most beautiful ‘ _fuck you’_ of a paradox imaginable.

Sakura and Syaoran and Sakura and Syaoran.

Fai remembered laughing. He remembered Kurogane’s astounded grin, teeth bared and glinty eyes alight with joy and hope and relief and--

And everything else Fai had probably been projecting onto him, honestly. Vampire magnetism hadn’t helped him understand the ninja any better. But whatever was still ugly and scarred between them didn’t matter. So what if Fai had been weak, was weak, and would probably continue to be so?

_They were back. Their children were whole and safe and they were together again, and Fai no longer needed to rely on his strength alone._

So Fai had used his two eyes to stare at the empty room he found himself in and let himself feel secure in the soft thrumming glow he felt coming from not too far away. Sakura. Closer was a smaller, but swirling storm of an aura. Syaoran. The ball of energy moving incessantly would be Mokona. His blood had sung for the blood coursing through the steady presence past the wall to his right--

And in present day, Fai’s blood sang again.

Yanked unkindly back into the reality of his present, Fai scolded himself. “No.”

His stomach paid him no mind as it joined in the singing. Fai groaned even louder. Then he sat up.

Eyes closed, he reached out to take stock of where his family was. Sakura was higher up, with who felt like that priest of hers. Syaoran was lower and farther… the stables, perhaps? Mokona was in the throne room, Kurogane was right next to him--

Wait.

Fai’s eyes snapped open and he twisted around to face the dip in the mattress. It was a testament of how drained he _still_ was that he hadn’t felt what was off much sooner.

Kurogane was sprawled out atop the covers at the edge of the bed, his limbs so long they hung off the sides. He was wearing clothes in the style of their hosts: a rusty red sleeveless tunic and black pants, with a woven patterned sash secured around his waist. The scar on his shoulder was red and swollen, he must have recently taken off the arm. Fai’s befuddled brain took a few long seconds just to take in the way the sunlight warmed his skin. His injuries were gone, courtesy of the Priest and his slew of healers. Fai’s had faded as well, but his wounds were more than skin deep. While Kurogane, Sakura, and Syaoran had been up and about since their first day in Clow’s castle, Fai could still barely make it out of bed.

Which was why he had no need for anything other than pants and the covers he constantly hid himself under. And he _was_ still wearing the pants.

Fai checked, just in case.

Kurogane was snoring. Softly, but still. Snoring.

The sun was barely over the horizon. Fai let his magic wander again, exercising it like a sore muscle needed to be stretched to remember the correct way to move. Sakura was with Mokona, Syaoran was still puttering around below, and Fai’s restless mind settled at the confirmation that they were safe.

He fell back asleep.

* * *

 

“目を覚まして.”

_Fai was walking by a shore. Water rushed past his ankles, dragging the sand back, making walking all the more difficult. His bones felt hollow._

“--たの?”

_Light poured from his eyes, it lit up his skin. Around him, stars fell and died a sputtering, useless death. He looked up. The stars stood still._

“おい!”

_His shoulders burned. Flames seemed to lick at his skin, along a brand drawn in a promise. A brand was only ever a curse, and his wings were no exception. The water was turning to ice, the air froze in his lungs. A pair of small hands squeezed at his heart, at his life, at his gall--_

“Fai!”

His eyes opened. White obscured part of his vision. He could see a blur of black, brown, red. Fai focused on the red. He forced down the panic and concentrated on the hand that was gripping his arm. It was warm. He could feel its pulse against his clammy skin. He breathed.

One blink, then two, and the tears were avoided. His gaze was met with a concerned Kurogane’s and Fai smiled. He didn’t voice the ‘good morning’ that lay on his tongue.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Shit. His voice was shaking. Kurogane frowned, but that wasn’t out of the ordinary.

“よっし，落ち着いて。ただの悪夢だた.”

 _That_ wasn’t ordinary. Fai frowned too.

“What’d you say?”

Kurogane’s frown deepened. He sat back from where he had been hovering over Fai and rolled back his shoulders. Then he leaned on his good arm and tried once again.

“あ。君、わかってないね.”

Fai tentatively reached out to feel for Mokona.

She wasn’t in the castle. Neither were Syaoran and Sakura. The Priest and Prince were gone too. The sun was no longer visible from his window.

Fai sat up, resigned himself to their current predicament, and thought as he watched Kurogane regard him. He mulled over the not-so-foreign phrase in his mind. ‘ _Kimi wakattenai ne.’_ He knew this, or at least, he _had_ known this. Yama seemed like an eternity ago. A bubble, an outlier, back when they were riding on stolen time. Fai shook his head and forced himself to concentrate.

 _Kimi._ You. _Wakatte, wakaru._ Understand. _Nai._ Negative, or the lack of.

_You don’t understand me, do you?_

“I understand.” Fai replied, the words clumsy on his tongue. Kurogane’s shoulders relaxed.

“You okay?” He said, and Fai forced his mind to keep up. It pushed aside the dream.

“I’m okay. Mokona is gone.”

Kurogane snorted, and he let himself fall onto his back. “Really?” The sarcasm was evident.

Fai dug himself out of his nest of sheets and crawled over to drape himself over his… companion. Kurogane grunted at the sudden weight, but didn’t push him off. He shifted and tugged Fai upwards a bit so that blond hair spilled over his broad chest. His arm settled over Fai’s bare back, keeping him snug and in place. Nestled against him like that, Fai could breathe him in. He’d been polishing his weapons before he let himself into Fai’s room. The oil scent nearly overpowered that of his blood. It was nice.

“You did…” Fai paused and corrected his grammar. “Did my bad dream wake you?”

“No. Your 空腹痛 woke me up. The 悪夢 was later.”

Later? So something had awoken Kurogane first and concerned him enough to draw him into Fai’s room. _Akumu_ must mean nightmare, so…

_“Kuufukutsuu?”_

“...Want to drink 血.”

 _Chi._ Blood.

Fai had to hold back a laugh. Hitsuzen was clever, sometimes.

“Sorry.” He said. Then he held his breath and braced himself for the question that would no doubt follow.

A minute passed, then three, then five. Kurogane didn’t ask it. He seemed content to just lie there. Fai could feel the rise and fall of the chest beneath him; even, calm. He didn’t ask, and Fai loved him for it. Fai wanted it, sure. But with both eyes back in his skull he no longer needed it. Would Kurogane’s lifeblood help him heal and finally leave the room? Most likely, yes. But they’d decided that codependency was dangerous and unnecessary. Fai could heal on his own, so he would.

He smiled. Smiling came easier, now. Fai pulled himself up and tucked his forearm beneath his chin so that he could look at Kurogane’s frowning-but-not-unhappy face. His eyes were closed. They’d done enough sleeping.

“Hey, Kuro-sama?”

He got a grunt in reply. A sleepy grunt. Adorable.

“This is the fifth time we’ve woken up in the same bed,” Fai said slyly. Or at least he tried to. What most likely came out was: ‘this five time wake up same bed together’.

“That’s not true.”

“It is true. Yama, Piffle, Nihon, then Clow… before. Before time was weird? When the time was weird.” Fai scowled at his own incompetence, but persisted. “This is fifth.”

Kurogane, as Fai could have predicted, didn’t play along. “We were drunk in Piffle. Mokona was in the bed too.”

“And Yama?” Fai brought up his free hand and started drawing teasing circles over the material of his shirt.

“You think sleeping on the 地面の方が good?”

Fai silently tried to decipher the meaning of the words. Regardless, sleeping in questionable locations wasn’t his _point._ He buried his face against Kurogane’s shirt again and grumbled to himself in his own tongue, then recalled with smug satisfaction that Kurogane hadn’t ever bothered learning his language in turn.

Kurogane, however, seemed to take his mumbling as something else. His tone sounded suspiciously light when he said, “You seem がっかり.”

 _Gakkari._ Bitter? Mad? No, disappointed. That one he knew, he was almost sure. “I am.”

Kurogane snorted. The hand warming his back disappeared. Fai looked up to glare at him in reproach. His frown _was_ gone, replaced by an infuriating grin, and his arm was now crossed behind his head.

“You could have said something.”

Fai’s hand clenched in a fist and he brought it down against Kurogane’s muscled side to emphasize his displeasure. “Right now I’m saying something!”

“Do something then, you.” He said, and Fai opened his mouth to retort. Then his brain processed the strange order of the phrase and stopped his tongue from forming a single word.

_Anata._

_Do something then, anata._

_You._ The word meant _you._ A far-removed and overly polite ‘you’, and that’s why Kurogane had never used it on him. In Yama, he had been _‘teme’_ and _‘mahou’_ and even _‘anta’._ Then, only in calm moments had he become _‘kimi’,_ and rarer still, _‘Fai’._

But ‘ _anata’,_ this _‘anata’,_ Fai had only heard once before. He’d seen it bloom from the smiling lips of a girl overjoyed to see her soldier come home. He still wasn’t sure what it meant, but thinking back, he’d definitely had an idea as to why Kurogane had so vehemently denied him use of it.

He could ask now. Better yet, he _would._

In time with the wind that broke past the curtains and weaved itself through his hair, Fai surged upwards, caged Kurogane between his arms, straddled his lap, and lowered his face to lock blue with red.

What did it mean? What did it mean, what did _‘anata’_ mean?”

“どういう意味? あなたは?” Fai asked.

Kurogane at least had the decency to look caught out, but he also had the same gleam in his eye that he got whenever Fai did something particularly clever. He tilted his head, and Fai’s eyes did not dart down to appreciate the flex of his neck and chest. He concentrated on glaring down at his captive, lest the interrogation lose its credibility. Kurogane wasn’t one to lie, but he did-

“It means ‘beloved’.”  

Fai blinked. He didn’t think himself capable enough to understand _that_ correctly. Nevermind that in his shock, his mind had translated over Kurogane’s language and imagined his own. That couldn’t be right.

“Did you... 恋しい人?” He asked, just in case.

“...Close enough.” Kurogane said. Then he stiffened, and his hand went up to cup Fai’s face. “You sounded like yourself again.”

“You love me.” Fai said, determined not to become distracted.

His hand fell away and Kurogane relaxed back against the bed. “Mokona and the kids must be back.”

“You _love_ me.” Fai insisted. His world was falling apart, or more aptly put-- falling _into place,_ and all Kurogane was doing was squinting towards the window as if he could seek out their family in question. His world was falling into place and his heart was racing and blood that wasn’t entirely his own was rushing towards his face and the fucking idiot beneath him wouldn’t _look_ at him and oh, Fai didn’t know if he thought that was cute or maddening, and-

He got a scoff and an impatient, “You _knew_ that already, idiot wizard.”

He did. He had his life and the emptiness at the ninja’s side to prove it. There was no need to be greedy for something as insignificant as words when Kurogane was known to be a man of action, but still. Still.

Fai huffed and sighed and let himself fall. He rolled off Kurogane’s chest and onto the bed beside him, petulantly. So what if he’d known? It was still nice to _hear it,_ to know for _certain._

“You’re thinking too loudly again.”

Fai didn’t answer him.

There was quiet, for a bit. Just enough for Fai to feel vindicated. The sky outside was slowly turning purple, pink, gold. The curtains had been drawn at some point. They floated up softly in the desert breeze. How long had he been asleep? He only vaguely remembered his dream. Now his chest was pounding for a different reason.

_Kurogane loved him._

His fingertips were starting to feel a phantom burn.

“I ruined that for you, didn’t I?”

It was the quiet but sincere remorse that got Fai to respond.

“Yes,” he said.

“Fai.” Voice quiet, gruff but not unkind. Fai didn’t move, but he reflected that when left alone, their roles were reversed. Kurogane wielded his name like a caress, whereas Fai had taken his as a weapon.

“I- You…” It was so rare for Kurogane to trip over his words that Fai did turn to look at him properly. His brow was furrowed in anger, but it seemed to be directed inwards. He was struggling to find the right words, so much so that he couldn’t even bring himself to look at Fai. That wasn’t normal. Fai’s heart suddenly hurt for an entirely different reason. “You threw it back in my face, in Infinity. That you knew. And I know I deserved it for what I did, but-”

Fai stopped listening. Here he was, wallowing in self-pity because he didn’t have verbal confirmation for what he had known for _months_ while he hadn’t even had the guts to say or show it himself.

The arm hadn’t been for love, not really. He had to repay a debt; make right a wrong. What had he done for love? Lied, smiled, _cared,_ but was it enough? He had tried to _kill_ Kurogane, twice over, for fuck’s sake. If Kurogane was a man of action, then what was Fai? Most of his words were lies.

What he was was a coward. But Fai had resolved to change.

“I love you.” Fai whispered in the settling dark of his room. The cotton of the sheets were cool against his back, the space between the wizard and the ninja was warm with their mingling body heat. The night was quiet.

Kurogane stopped talking. Fai wasn’t sure what he had been saying, but he did think that perhaps it would have been kinder to wait for him to finish. He opened his mouth to apologize-

“I know.”

Kurogane’s eyes were red and steady on his own. They were bright, open, as they always had been. And knowing, all too knowing. It was a trait Fai had been endlessly terrified of, before.

Of course he knew.  

So Fai laughed, soft and quiet. “I had to say something.”

And of course, Kurogane issued a challenge. “Are you going to do something next?”   

Fai had spent many years of his life wishing and passively waiting for someone to show up and rescue him. But the boy stuck in a pit in the snow hadn’t waited. And Fai was Yui, after all.

So he turned fully onto his side, gripped Kurogane’s shirt to pull himself closer, and kissed him.

And kissed him. And the lips against his held the softness of acceptance. Bodies shifted, and he could feel the promise of safety the strength of the body beneath his made. His mouth tasted like the comfort of a warm fire after a long day. The arm wrapped around him felt like family. Fai cupped Kurogane’s face between his hands and let their breaths mingle, smiles grazing sweetly, and felt like he belonged where he was, when he was. Who he was, and who he was himself with.

Still, Fai found himself teasing, mouth split in a cheshire grin, purposelessly stalling. “But… the children-”

Spell broken, Kurogane shoved Fai’s hands away and clicked his tongue. “They aren’t here right now,” he bit out a bit reproachfully.

Fai sat back on Kurogane’s thighs and gave a heavy sigh, arms waving in theatrics. “But they’re close enough that we can talk! What if they decide to come up and check on me? And besides, Moko-chan-”

“Can very well hear everything else we ever say, who goddamn _cares,_ dumbass. Just-” Kurogane grabbed his arm mid-gesture and roughly yanked him back to lie on top of him. “Lock the doors or something, shit.”

“You’re not exactly letting me up.”

Kurogane huffed, patience at his wit’s end. “Aren’t you a fucking mage!?”  

Fai threw his head back and laughed, but it got cut short when Kurogane went for his bared throat. Fai clumsily drew a sigil and flicked his wrist towards the door. With an urgent hand tugging at his hair and hot breath against his ear, Fai didn’t even bother turning to see if it landed.

He _did_ stretch his magical muscles and felt for the children, just in case. Smiling, Fai devoted his attention back to the man tangled in the sheets with him.

They had time.

**Author's Note:**

> It felt incomplete. One more to come, but ey is anyone still alive out here? Let me hear from ya.
> 
> Also if u want the japanese translations just lmk


End file.
